I’m a chick with a lot of kicks. One of my many saucy weaknesses is for female vampires, especially 1970s lesbian female vampires. Few movies depicted this particular fetish as perfectly as the 1974 cult classic VAMPYRES (1974).
Everything about this movie and the performances of the two leads has me RAWR RAWR RAWRRRing from start to finish. It was difficult for me to choose which one of the actresses to highlight. Both are phenomenal in their roles. Anulka Dziubinska’s portrayal of Miriam, the soft but homicidal blonde bombshell is breathtaking in every scene. That said, I went with Marianne Morris’s performance because her depiction of Fran was more take charge and no nonsense. Between the characters, Fran was in control. She showed poise, confidence and prowess. She exhibited far more self-control, but also indulged in all sorts of glorious depravity. She was a devious planner and carried the aura of an unstoppable force that could summoned desire with a knowing smirk or a telling glance. She is the embodiment of the IT factor. Oh, how I love her so!
The film opens with Fran and Miriam sexing it up, until they are shot and killed. Apparently, some dumbass with a gun doesn’t like to watch sexy fun-time between two gorgeous fems. What an asshole! I wanted to watch, but trigger-happy Yosemite Sam, ruined it!
Thankfully, the women turn into vamps, and there are plenty more tantalizing scenes of hot-and-heavy lovemaking throughout the production. As bloodsuckers, they survive by chomping down on unsuspecting men looking to get laid. Fran and Miriam rip these dudes apart, then lick each other and get wild! These gals are just perfect in every way.
Fran plays hitchhiker to attract victims while Miriam watches from a far, enjoying the view of her lady working it. Sadly, some nosy dummies in a trailer see the goddesses and start causing trouble. I hate them!
The shithead busybodies Harriet (Sally Faulkner) and her idiot husband John (Brian Deacon) are up in arms because they think the sexy vamps are up to no good. Sadly, it’s Harriet that starts with the bellyaching. I guess girl power means nothing to that traitor bitch. She cries to her hubby that something just isn’t right. At first, John plays it cool. He tries to calm down her whining, but then Harriet sees some guy’s bloody hand on the window and becomes hysterical. The wench just won’t let it go!
Every time I watch this, I want to say to her, “Lady, shut the fuck up! Imma want to see Miriam and Fran get it on while killing jagoffs, and your yammering is getting in the way of that.” If Harriet wasn’t such a nag, she’d make a cool lady vamp herself. She’s hot enough to hang with the women of the night, but she’s just too goddamn lame.
Even after John goes outside to find the mystery bloody dude and comes back empty, Harriet still spies like a tattletale with no life.
Later, Fran picks up Ted (Murray Brown), an unsuspecting loser looking for an easy fuck. Harriet who sees the duo drive up to the gals’ castle, can’t wait to rat them out. John is still a bit skeptical of her nutty rantings. He’s not a smart man, but he’s far less annoying than his troublemaking, gossip wife.
Making matters worse, after Fran rocks the hell out of Ted in an intense lovemaking session, she has a bit of a nibble. Okay, she’s draining him of his blood. She’s a vampire. That’s what vampires do! Don’t judge the dame.
Ted begins feeling unwell. He notices a slash on his arm and finds a knife so he leaves quickly. Of course, he runs over to Harriet and John for help! At least, he takes responsibility and claims he cut himself. He’s disoriented and confused. Losing a lot of blood will do that to a man! Sadly, Harriet is still acting like a paranoid loon. Sure, her instincts are correct, but that’s no excuse.
Ted returns to the castle and Fran greets him with Miriam and Mr. Yummy Rupert (Karl Lanchbury). Rupert is the only dude that I like in this. He’s incredibly hot! He’s got a great fashion sense and is super polite. He even puts Miriam’s cape on her when the two go to the cellar to get more wine. He’s the respectable sort. I wouldn’t mind if the chicks made him into a vampire and had crazy threesomes with him for eternity, as long as I could watch. I don’t ask for much. Alas, Rupert’s fate is a different one, but it’s still all sorts of erotic naughtiness.
Meanwhile, Ted gets sicker and sicker as Miriam and Fran drain his blood slowly. I don’t like Ted though so it’s cool. The gals also get wise to Harriet and John’s unhealthy fascination. They don’t take kindly to being stalked. They go after those motherfuckers hardcore, and good for them! If I were a sexy lesbian vamp who saw some weirdo broad eyeing me with judgement because I was chowing down on makeshift man-meals and having RAWR RAWR romps with my hot ass girlfriend, I’d go a little redhead, too. Stay in your lane, Harriet!
The female leads are so badass in this. They just don’t a fuck. They’re driven by self-preservation and having a killer good time. Both easily qualify as Fem Goddesses of Horror, but side-by-side Fran does get a slight edge. She’s just a powerhouse Rockstar.
VAMPYRES is one of my favorite flicks of all time. It’s a must-see. I’ve recommended it to at least 50 people and none have been disappointed. Recently, there was a remake, but I skipped it. Very rarely can any modern movie touch the edginess and sexual liberation of the 70s. I love the callous disregard for subtlety and the absolute freedom expressed in the original. It is unaffected, raw and oddly intimate. There’s a beauty underneath the insanity, and a pure, romantic love story beyond the gore. It’s engaging in every conceivable way.
There are very few films that I would recommend buying before watching. This is definitely on that list. Don’t waste your money with a digital rental. Own this from jump.