Every once in a while, someone makes a movie that indulges my fantasies in so many ways that I feel as though it was made just for me. Such is the case with ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE (2013). This flick feeds into so many of my kicks that the cover alone makes me into a giddy teenager. The only way this could be better is if there was an X-rated cut out there with hardcore sex scenes between the two leads. If that does exist, I’m convinced it’s playing on repeat in heaven. RAWR RAWR RAWR Tilda Swinton and Tom ‘he should be naked all the time’ Hiddleston are the definition of irresistible. Goddamn, do I love them both so much!
Swinton portrays Eve. She’s a badass vampire with sexy, long, blonde, unkempt hair that suits her in every way. She’s independent and lives alone despite being in a loving relationship for centuries with Adam (Hiddleston). The two are soulmates and it shows with every word spoke between them.
When Eve phones and senses that Adam’s depressed, she hightails it home to be with her delicious lover. I adore that about her. She’s fierce and tough, but also soft and gentle. Every wonderful aspect of femininity and feminism lives inside of her. Eve embraces the full scope of being a woman and shines as she showcases everything that it encompasses. When she needs to rock & roll and attack, she ready to go on a dime. When Adam needs nurturing and love, she turns on the music and takes him in her arms. I love a gal who can stand on her own just fine, but makes certain to take care of her man’s needs, too. She doesn’t allow pride or modern convention to dictate her behavior. She makes up her own rules and though she may be selfish when it comes to self-preservation, she is never selfish when it comes to her love for Adam. For him, she’d do anything. This is when the teen girl inside of me goes, “AWWWWWWW!!!!”
That said, Adam is no slouch – far from it. He’s depressed and suicidal, but otherwise – he’s perfect! His mere existence makes my toes curl! He loves great music and makes wonderful tunes. He has gorgeous long black hair and a body to die for. He’s sweet and kind, but also not a pushover. When Eve’s bitch-ass sister Ava (Mia Wasikowska) shows up and starts trouble, Adam speaks up. He allows her some leeway because of his love for Eve, but isn’t afraid to call her out on her bullshit.
Ava hooks up with Adam’s friend Ian (Anton Yelchin), but shows zero self-restraint and it ends badly. Adam gets pissed and kicks Ava out. Good on him! He’s no fucking doormat. That bitch just needs to leave him and his smokin’ wife alone so they can get busy, and I can watch! I like to watch. What can I say? Imma weirdo!
ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE is an unconventional vamp tale. It’s a one-of-a-kind flick that hits all the right chords. It’s got some laughs, a bit of suspense and a whole lotta drama. Don’t go to this for a horror fix as there aren’t any scary parts. Instead, it plays like an old monster movie. The focus isn’t on frightening the audience, but instead on reeling you in with great storytelling, character depth and an insanely great cast.
Admittedly, I crush on Tom Hiddleston extremely hard; so hard in fact that my boyfriend a year ago made me a sexy meme of him for my birthday. RAWR RAWR RAWR Imma lucky gal! I love Tom as Loki in the Marvel flicks and I adored him in Amazon’s show NIGHT MANAGER (2016) which has an amazing sex scene in it where he nails this yummy chick up against a wall [episode 4, 28:43- You’re welcome!]. Still, Adam is my go-to for Hiddleston action. I am in awe of him when he’s on screen. He just owns the soft, artistic, sweet masculinity that drives me wild!
Tilda Swinton is another crush of mine. Every time I watch the movie, I feel as though I made out like a Missy Bandit. Swinton does everything right with Eve. The entire performance is so genuine and heartfelt. One can see how much love there is in the depiction for the character and even for the lifestyle that Eve lives. Swinton is a Fem Goddess in every way and I am so happy she chose this role so I can showcase her here as a Fem Goddess of Horror.
If you haven’t seen this yet, go watch it. It’s a-fucking-mazing!