Candyman (1992) - A Review

I love Tony Todd. I love him in everything. Some of my favorite performances of his are in the CANDYMAN (1992) and FINAL DESTINATION (2000) franchises, the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD remake (1990) and in THE CROW (1994) as Grange. THE CROW is such a stellar movie only made better by Todd’s portrayal. Also, my boyfriend dressed as THE CROW once for Halloween, I have those pictures and he’s so fucking sexy. That has nothing to do with CANDYMAN or Tony Todd, but I just wanted to brag. RAWR RAWR RAWR.

Speaking of RAWR RAWR RAWR, Virginia Madsen stars in this flick. I have loved her forever. She was in this teenybopper, forbidden romance film called FIRE WITH FIRE (1986) and as a child, I loved that movie. I still do. It’s like a warm blanket for me. That was when I fell for Madsen and I’ve been a devoted fan ever since. She always portrays strong, intelligent, in-charge fems who don’t take any shit. CANDYMAN is no different and her character Helen exhibits all of those fierce goddess qualities that we love to see celebrated in horror.

Unlike Helen, her husband Trevor (Xander Berkeley) is a pussy. I hate him. He’s a pretentious shithead, skeptic professor that thinks Candyman is no more than folklore. He’s also stepping out on Helen with one of his students, Stacey (Carolyn Lowery). Fuck him! Helen is the total package, inside and out! Admittedly, I’m not crazy about her hair. She’s got that weird 1990’s Meg Ryan/Melanie Griffith short wave perm that was sort of the rage then. I didn’t like it in the 90s and I don’t like now, but that’s just me. Otherwise, the dame is beyond beautiful.

Though I hate Trevor far more, Candyman pisses me off too. His targets are fucked up. Why does he have to go after babies and a dog? That’s not cool. Just kill shitty adults, and let me root for you the way I do Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees!

Even though I disapprove of Candyman’s antics, I do find him charming and sexy. He’s got some charisma! I adore it when he shows up at Helen’s appointment with her lawyer, kills him and says “You’re mine….,”to Helen. I find myself saying, “Go with him, Helen. Have fun! Trevor sucks, anyways.”

Helen really needed to smack two bitches when she escapes the hospital and returns home to find Stacey painting. I wanted to see her not only beat the hell out of Stacey, but kick the shit out of Trevor too. I love it when that airhead bitch is in the corner crying her eyes out while Helen is waving the phone at her crazily yelling and daring her to call the hospital. “Do it! Is that what you want to do?” HAHAHAHA Gooooooo Helen! Stacey can’t even move because she’s scared senseless. That’s what the wench gets.

So few actors could have kept that scene edgy and make it sound real, but Madsen has the chops. She can play a justifiably crazy nut job with nothing to lose. I love her so much. No wonder Trevor ran off with Stacey. He couldn’t handle a real woman. Poor Helen was probably making nightly visits to vibrator heaven because you know that luxury bathrobe wearing dweeb isn’t giving the goods.

Warning: If you proceed, imma talk spoilers, and don’t be mad because this flick came out in 1992. You should have seen it by now.

In the end, when Helen succumbs to Candyman, I’m all in. I think they make a nice couple. I don’t totally forgive Candyman for all the bad, but he is portrayed by Tony Todd, and as we’ve established, I love Tony Todd. There is a certain kinkiness to this flick I really like. When he’s going for the candy with his hook up Helen’s skirt, I’m like “Yep…this is Clive Barker, you ol’ dog! Now, keep that hook going up!” I might be a bit of an ol’ dog myself. Hey, I like what I like and Tony Todd getting it on with Virginia Madsen is something I can get behind.

Sadly, the good vibes don’t last because Candyman hasn’t been exactly honest. She ends up giving her life to rescue that of her friend’s child. She dies a hero while Trevor continues to be a fucking loser. How dare he attend her funeral with fucking Stacey! What a complete prick. I am so happy Helen gets her revenge. Watching Trev get sliced and diced made the entire ordeal poor Helen went through worth it.

CANDYMAN is just a great movie. It’s a classic that stands the test of time. Everything about it works. The cast is great, the dialogue intriguing, the backstory and lore of Candyman has a lot of interesting depth to it and the social commentary is just as relevant now as it was when it was released.

I really hope the reboot is great and opens the door for several more entries. I’m so psyched Todd is back. He’s the fucking man.

Rating: 8/10

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